'Women Only' Parking Lot

The World's First 'Women Only' Parking Lot.

Woman Without Womenlike Habits

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.

"No I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, " I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight."

The homeless woman was astounded. "Won't your hubby be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

How The Company Views Its Employees

1. The family picture is on HIS desk. Ah, a solid, responsible family man.

The family picture is on HER desk. Umm, her family will come before her career.

2. HIS desk is cluttered. He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.

HER desk is cluttered. She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain

3. HE is talking with his co-workers. He must be discussing the latest deal

SHE is talking with her co-workers. She must be gossiping.

4. HE's not at his desk. He must be at a meeting.

SHE's not at her desk. She must be in the ladies' room.

5. HE's not in the office. He's meeting with customers.

SHE's not in the office. She must be out shopping.

6. HE's having lunch with the boss. He's on his way up.

SHE's having lunch with the boss. They must be having an affair.

7. The boss criticised HIM. He'll improve his performance.

The boss criticized HER. She'll be very upset.

8. HE got an unfair deal. Did he get angry?

SHE got an unfair deal. Did she cry?

9. HE's going on a business trip. It's good for his career.

SHE's going on a business trip. What does her husband say?

10 . HE's leaving for a better job. He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.

SHE's leaving for a better job. Women are not dependable.

Men Are Like ....

1. Men are like ... Laxatives . ..... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like ... Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ...... Weather .... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ... Blenders .... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like .... Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 50% off.

8. Men are like ...... Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ..... Mascara .... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ..... Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like .... Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like ..... Parking Spots ..... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Women Explained Scientifically

Engineer's Perspective of a Woman

Differences Betweeen Men and Women

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Withdrawing Cash from ATM

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.

1. Park the car

2. Go to ATM Machine

3. Insert card

4. Enter PIN

5. Take money out

6. Take ATM Card out

7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car

2. Check makeup

3. Turn off engine

4. Check makeup

5. Go to ATM

6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse

7. Insert card

8. Hit Cancel

9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it

10. Insert card

11. Enter PIN

12. Take cash

13. Go to car

14. Check makeup

15. Start car

16. Stop car

17. Run back to ATM

18. Take ATM card

19. Back to car

20. Check makeup

21. Start car

22. Check makeup

23. Drive for 1/2 mile

24. Release handbrake

25. Drive on.