Friday, February 6, 2009

Check Your IQ




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Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Confession

Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. 

"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site." 

Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?"

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."

Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."

Priest: "What did you do with it?"

Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."

Priest: "OK, anything else?"

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two car garage."

Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."

Priest: "Yes?"

Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."

Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena (praying for nine successive days). You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"

Boudreaux: "No, Father... But, if you got the plans, I got the lumber."

Heaven or Hell??

A priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Johhny J., taxi driver from New York!

God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Johhny J.: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven .

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.

God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving taxi driver is given a silken robe and a golden scarf and me, a priest, who's spent his whole life preaching Your name and goodness has to make do with a cotton robe?'

'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.

'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people PRAYED.' 


Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE and not POSITION that ultimately counts. ;-)